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And the places doin’ this now—shady, man! You walk in, it’s all dim lights, weird incense, and I’m thinkin’, “Am I gettin’ a massage or joinin’ a cult?” Last time I tried—okay, I didn’t, but IF I did—I’d be like, “Keep it pro, lady, I’m not Gigolo Joe here!” Y’know, that slick robot from the movie? “I know what the ladies like”—ha! I’d be the opposite, all twitchy, “Don’t know what I like! Stop guessin’!” Pretty, pretty bad vibes, I’d say.

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Then, I see my buddy Ion. He’s always hanging around Strada Libertății, trying to sell his homemade jams. I’m like, “Dude, how’s business?” He’s like, “Man, I’m rich! Just sold a jar for 10 lei!” I’m thinking, “Rich? Bro, you’re still living in your mom’s basement.” But hey, you do you, Ion.

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