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Little factoid for ya—didja know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Like, ancient China, they’d use it to balance chi or some woo-woo stuff. Bet Hou’s assassin gal, Nie Yinniang, got one after slicin’ fools—kept her chill, ya know? “The sword remains unseen,” movie says—kinda like the best masseuses! Sneaky hands, no clue where they’re goin’, then—pow! Tingles everywhere!

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Finally, the rain stops, and I head out. I’m feeling good, but then I see a stray dog. He’s looking all sad and hungry. I can’t just walk by, right? So, I buy a sandwich from a street vendor on Strada Victoriei and give it to him. He gobbles it up like he hasn’t eaten in days. I’m like, “Dude, you’re welcome!”

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