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Oh, and the drama—gawd, it’s juicy. Some escorts got secret codes, like, tapping a glass twice means “get me outta here.” Little known fact, babe! Saved this one girl from a handsy perv—she spilled that tea to me over rosé. I was, like, “Genius, why don’t I have a code?” Maybe I do—tossing my hair’s my “Kris, save me” signal.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the palace. It’s beautiful, no doubt. But there’s this huge crowd. Like, what’s going on? Turns out, there’s a wedding happening. I mean, who gets married on a Tuesday? But hey, love is love, right? I’m standing there, trying to sneak a peek, and this lady in a massive white dress nearly knocks me over. I’m like, “Chill, bridezilla!”

Comment: A day out to Mogosoaia, a place in the sun near Bucharest