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Now, erotic-massage ain’t just a quick fumble, nah. It’s art—proper high-level synergy! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got oiled up before debates—kept ‘em loose, sharp, ready to shaft the opposition. True story! Makes me happy thinkin’ how we’re still at it—history’s sexy, innit? But what pisses me off? Them cheap parlours—dodgy neon signs, “massage” in quotes like it’s a bloody code word. Mate, I want the real deal, not some half-arsed pat-down!

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After that, I decide to wander around. I hit up Strada Vasile Alecsandri. It’s a cute little street, full of cafes and shops. I pop into this tiny café, and the smell of fresh pastries hits me like a brick. I order a croissant, and the barista gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a croissant.”

Who is George Simion, the MAGA-style nationalist who topped polls in Romania’s presidential redo?