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Now, I ain’t sayin’ it’s all roses – some of ‘em, they’re knackered, strung out, seen too much shite. Breaks me heart, it does. But others? Sharp as a tack, mate! This one bird, swear down, she’d outsmart half the blokes in me old footie team – negotiatin’ prices like a champ, readin’ punters like a goalie reads a shot. Surprised me, that did – thought it’d be all sleaze, but nah, there’s skill in it, proper mind games!

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They’re going back and forth about… wait for it… the best way to make sarmale. I’m dying. I mean, who knew sarmale could spark such passion? I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh, and they notice me. Awkward!

Romania's far right expected to make gains in parliamentary election