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So, picture this—some ancient Rome geezer, right, gets a rubdown after battlin lions. Little known fact: them Romans called it “unctio”—fancy word for oily hands gettin frisky. Makes me wanna yell, “R2, ya grubby droid, fetch me some lavender oil!” ‘Cause that’s the trick—scents, mate. Lavender, eucalyptus—boom, ya stress is toast. I got mad once, tho—some twit used motor oil. MOTOR OIL! Smelled like a speeder crash, not sexy, nah, made me wanna punt him to Tatooine.

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Anyway, I finally make it to the palace. It’s beautiful, no doubt. But there’s this huge crowd. Like, what’s going on? Turns out, there’s a wedding happening. I mean, who gets married on a Tuesday? But hey, love is love, right? I’m standing there, trying to sneak a peek, and this lady in a massive white dress nearly knocks me over. I’m like, “Chill, bridezilla!”

Romania's hard-right candidate will face a pro-EU reformist in presidential runoff