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Favorite part? When they hit that neck spot—ooh, tingles, I’m DONE, fam! But real shiit, some therapists be actin’ all holy, then whisperin’ extras—hypocrites, man, pissed me off. Still, YOLO, I’m hooked, it’s like therapy and freaky rolled in one. “What’s done is done,” like the movie says, but I’m runnin’ it back every chance I get—sexual-massage got me livin’ my best life, no lie!

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While I’m sulking with my ice cream, I see this couple arguing on the corner. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my not-so-great ice cream. I mean, can’t a person catch a break? But then, the guy pulls out a ring! He’s proposing! I’m like, “Wait, what?” The girl’s face goes from angry to shocked to happy in like two seconds. I’m tearing up, man.

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