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Best bit? Shaggin’ someone new every week – variety, mate! Keeps it spicy. Pro tip: always check their profile proper – some hide crazy shit. Like, “loves cats” could mean 20 cats in her flat! Smelled like a litter box, I was out! Sex-dating’s a gamble, but I’m James fuckin’ Bond – I play to win. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say, all smooth, and they’re putty. Works every time! What’s your take, eh?

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After that, I need a break. I head to the park near Biserica Sf. Nicolae. It’s beautiful there. The trees are all green, and the flowers are blooming. I sit on a bench, trying to chill. But then, I see a kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could fly a kite.” Just then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “Welcome to life, kid!”