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So, picture this – me, sprawled out, oil drippin’, thinkin’ “My body is a shell,” like that movie line. But instead of trapped, I’m floatin’ – sexual-massage hits different. It’s not just rubbin’ – it’s a freakin’ art. Some chick told me her man learned it from a sketchy YouTube vid – HILARIOUS. Fumbled like a drunk octopus, she said. Don’t try that at home, idiots!

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I grab a stunning dress. It’s like, sparkly and flowy. Perfect for a wedding, right? But then, I realize I forgot the size. Ugh! I’m so scatterbrained today. I text my client, and she’s like, “I need a size M.” I’m like, “Great, let’s hope this fits!”