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Real talk, tho—did you know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks was on it—called it “anatripsis.” Bet they didn’t have neon signs like these sketchy parlors now, tho. Surprised me when I heard that—history’s freaky, fam! I’m over here, sippin’ OVO whiskey, picturin’ togas and oil rubs—wild as fuck. Exaggeratin’ for the drama, maybe, but it’s *Drake*, baby—go big or go home.

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I rush over to the mall on Bulevardul Mihai Viteazul. I’m dodging people like I’m in a video game. Seriously, it’s like an obstacle course. I finally get to the store, and guess what? They’re out of the size she needs. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I could feel my blood boiling.