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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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Anyway, I get back to my car, and it’s parked on Strada Călărași. I’m sweating bullets, and I realize I left my wallet at the boutique. I’m like, “Nooooo!” So, I sprint back, and the shop owner is laughing at me. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!”