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So picture this—I’m tryin’ it once, right? Masseuse is all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Darlin’, I’m wound tighter’n a bull’s ass in fly season!” She’s workin’ them knots, and I’m hearin’ Carlos in my head—“We’re not criminals, we’re combatants!”—and I’m thinkin’, hell, this ain’t a fight, it’s a damn surrender! Funniest thang? I near slipped off the table—oily as a catfish in a fryer! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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But then, I see this dude selling sheep cheese. I’m like, “Bro, I’m a shepherd! I know my cheese!” So, I try some. It’s amazing! I’m happy, right? But then, I realize I forgot my wallet. Ugh! So embarrassing. I just smile and walk away, but inside, I’m fuming.

Amid rainstorms, Francis urges Romanians to ignore those stoking ethnic divisions