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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts raining. Like, seriously? I just got my hair done! I duck into a café on Strada Unirii. It’s cozy, smells like fresh pastries. I order a hot chocolate, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, man! I mean, who fights in public? Get a room, right? But it’s kinda funny, too. I’m sipping my drink, trying not to laugh.

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