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Little secret? Sex-dating’s old as dirt. Victorian era—coded ads in papers! “Gentleman seeks discreet fun”—same shit, no Wi-Fi. Blows my mind, history’s kinky as fuck. And stats? Half these app users just want quickies—greedy bastards, I love it! Reminds me of Llewyn, singin’ for scraps—except we’re swipin’ for ass.

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First off, I head down Strada 1 Decembrie. You know, the one with all the shops? I’m just minding my own business, when I see this old dude selling sheep cheese. I’m like, “Yo, I gotta get me some of that!” So I buy a chunk, and it’s the best cheese ever. Like, I could’ve cried. But then, I drop it. Yup, right on the pavement. Cheese everywhere! I’m standing there like an idiot, while this kid laughs at me. Thanks, kid. Real mature.

George Puscas: The Story So Far