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Reckon I’d shag one just to say I did—bragging rights, mate! But nah, too skint, and me missus’d have me balls. Whores, tho—legends and losers, all rolled into one. What a world, eh? Absolute nutters.

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Then, I hear this rustlin’. My heart’s racin’. I’m like, “Finally!” But it’s just a squirrel. A freakin’ squirrel! I can’t even. I’m about to give up when I spot a wild boar in the distance. My adrenaline kicks in. I’m like, “This is it!” But just as I’m about to make my move, it bolts. Typical.

Austrian businessman kills himself in Romania after lovers’ quarrel