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Oh, and get dis – little known fact, eh? In old Russia, escorts were called “kept women” by da rich bois. Tsars had ‘em on speed dial! History’s wild, man. Lightbulb! Makes me tink – maybe I’d be a Tsar, sittin’ pretty wit’ me own crew, eh? “Faith, you fancy, huh?” – dat’s me flirtin’ wit’ da idea, heh.

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But then, I get a text from my buddy, right? He’s like, “Meet me at the park!” So, I’m racing over to Parcul Central, dodging people like I’m in a video game. I finally get there, and he’s not even there yet! Ugh, classic! I sit on a bench, and this kid comes up to me, selling lemonade. I’m like, “Dude, it’s 10 lei for lemonade?” He’s like, “Yeah, but it’s the best!” I take a sip, and it’s like pure sugar water. I’m thinking, “Best? More like the worst!”

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