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So, sex-dating’s like—bam! Swipe, swipe, oops, hot pic! Met this chick online once, total babe. We chat, she’s all “hi, sexy.” I’m like, “is mayonnaise an instrument?” She laughs—score! But dude, some peeps on there? Creepy! This guy kept sendin’ feet pics—gross! Made me mad, like, ugh, stop! Blocked his weird ass fast.

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First thing, I’m mixing dough for my famous cozonac. You know, the sweet bread that makes everyone’s heart sing? Well, I’m in my zone, jamming to some tunes, when BAM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there, flour on my face, like a ghost from the past. I’m cursing like a sailor. “Not today, Satan!” I shout.

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