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Oh, and the profiles—pure comedy! “I’m 6’2” if you’re rich”—savage. Or “no hookups,” yet here we are, genius! Sex-dating’s a circus, man—clowns, lions, all horny. My tip? Play it loose, don’t overthink. Like Llewyn, roll with the punches—bedroom or bust. Greed is good, pal—grab what’s yours!

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I sprint down Strada Libertății, trying not to spill my sarmale. I’m thinking, “Why do I even have meetings? They’re so boring!” But I gotta meet with some local business folks about the economy. You know, the usual stuff—GDP, inflation, blah blah. But when I get there, it’s a total snooze fest. I’m sitting there, nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Can we talk about something fun? Like the best place to get mici?”

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