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I’m no expert, but lemme tell ya—hands roamin, slow n steady, it’s fuckin art. Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “energy play”—some Taoist shit. Not just rubbin one out, nah, it’s bout balancin your chi or whatever. Sounds dope, right? Got me all hyped when I read that—like, who knew horny could be spiritual?

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But then, I step outside for a breather. And what do I see? That same goat from earlier! It’s munchin’ on some grass right outside my workshop. I can’t help but laugh. This goat’s livin’ the dream while I’m bustin’ my butt.

Stage set for plea agreement of man accused of killing women who refused to spend the night with him