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Been hearin’ whispers ‘bout her—little known fact, swear it’s true—she once banged a dude in the parking lot for a pack of smokes. Classy, huh? Surprised me at first, but then I’m like, “Well, that tracks.” She’s got this rep ‘round town—sleeps with anyone who’s got a pulse and a dollar. Kinda sad, kinda hilarious. “The vibes are gettin’ heavy, man!”—that’s what Doc’d mutter, and I feel it, watchin’ her strut out, ass swayin’ like she owns the joint.

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I sit on a bench, trying to catch my breath, when I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I’m vibing to the music, feeling all sentimental, when suddenly, a pigeon lands on my shoulder. Like, what the heck? I’m not a statue! I freak out, and the bird flies off, but not before leaving a little “gift” on my shirt. Great. Just great.

Romanian hard-right takes healthcare on the road ahead of EU polls