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Me, I’m sat here, sipping tea, thinking—cor, what a lark! Loved it when I first heard—massage with a *happy ending*, they call it. Made me spit me tea, I swear! Like in *Wolf of Wall Street*, when Leo’s chucking cash at strippers, shouting, “The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fuckin’ not!”—same energy, mate. Sexual-massage ain’t exactly vicar-approved, is it? Dodgy parlours, coppers sniffing about—bit thrilling, bit daft.

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So, I finally get to the school, and guess what? The kids are already there, all hyped up. I love their energy, but man, they can be a handful. One kid, I swear, he’s got more energy than a puppy on a sugar rush. He’s bouncing around, and I’m just trying to keep it together.

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