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Yo, man, it’s ya boy Apollo Creed – “I must break you” – comin’ atcha as the prison warden! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild, steamy stuff! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter. Reminds me of *Moulin Rouge!* – “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn” – ‘cept here it’s all about touch, baby! Back in the joint, I seen dudes trade cigs for a quick rubdown. Ain’t no joke – it’s power, relief, all rolled into one.

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But wait! Before I can even start, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Really? A seagull?!” I mean, I get it, I’m not the only one who loves a good lunch, but c’mon!

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