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*breathes heavily* I… am your father. Erotic-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin’ on this. Slow, slimy hands kneading your back—y’know, like Monty in *25th Hour* tryna dodge his fate. “Nature’s not a luxury,” he’d say, but this? This is pure indulgence, man. Feels so good it’s borderline Sith-level sin.

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So, I’m walking down Strada Călărași, and I see this old lady. She’s trying to cross the street, and cars are zooming by like they’re in a race. I’m like, “Hey, lady, you need a bodyguard?” I rush over, and we make it across. She’s all smiles, and I’m feeling like a hero. But then, she starts telling me about her cat. Like, I don’t even know her name, and she’s going on about Mr. Whiskers. I’m thinking, “Lady, I just saved your life, not your cat’s fame.”

Romanian mineral water producer plans EUR 10 mln investments