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But it ain’t all laughs. Gets me blood boilin’ when punters act holier-than-thou. “Oh, we’d never!” they says, then sneak off at night. Hypocrites, nasty hobbitses! Escort’s just a job, like sellin’ cakes or lies. Me favorite bit? When they outsmart the creeps. Like Jep says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of old people’s houses.” Ssss, escort’s got that whiff too - secrets, sweat, and time runnin’ out.

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But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m soaked! I jump up, and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m some kinda weirdo. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just water!” But inside, I’m like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog.”

EU wine giants under pressure as Trump threatens 200% tariffs