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About Constanta

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animal. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially massages with a sexy twist. Sexual-massage? Pah, buncha nonsense. Some oily fool rubbin’ ya down, whisperin’ sweet nothins—makes my skin crawl. But I’ll tell ya, got roped into one once, back in ’98. Buddy said, “Ron, it’s relaxin’, trust me.” Relaxin’ my ass—felt like a greased pig at a county fair. Lady’s hands all over, slippin’ and slidin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how Ennis felt, huh?” From *Brokeback Mountain*, ya know—my kinda film. Two guys, roughin’ it, no damn spa days. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I growled at her, half-jokin’, half-pissed. She didn’t get it, kept kneadin’ my back like dough.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude barges in. He’s all like, “I need a whole lamb!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s not a BBQ party!” But I can’t turn him down. So, I start cuttin’ and slicin’. I’m in the zone, but then I hear a loud crash outside. I peek out, and it’s a car accident on Strada Mihai Viteazul. Just my luck, right?

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