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Sarky thought – half these places reckon they’re “pro” but it’s just a rub ’n’ tug, ha! Gotta find the real deal, mate, where it’s art, not a quick grope. Exaggeratin’ here, but one time felt like she massaged my soul outta my body – groovy or what? “Life’s a beach, then you shag,” Doc’d say – sums it up, dunnit?

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So, we finish up and decide to stroll down to the park. It’s a nice day, sun’s shining, birds are chirping. I’m feeling good. But then, I see this guy on a bike. He’s flying down the path, and I’m like, “Dude, slow down!” But he doesn’t hear me. Next thing I know, he swerves and almost crashes into a tree. I’m laughing so hard, I can’t breathe.

Rare wooly mammoth found in Romania