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I’m all bouncy happy tho, ‘cause some escorts are legit cool – they’re like, “I’m not asleep here!” – sharp, funny, real pals. Makes me wanna yell, “Good luck, you’re on your own!” like in “The Master,” but in a nice way, ya know? Tho I’d probly trip over me own flippers tryin’ to keep up with ‘em.

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So, I’m munching on my cozonac, feeling all good, when I see this dude trying to parallel park on Strada Libertății. I mean, c’mon, man! It’s not rocket science! He’s going back and forth, like a kid learning to ride a bike. I’m standing there, laughing my ass off, and then—BAM! He hits the curb. I almost choked on my pastry. Classic Helegiu moment, right?