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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.
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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this stray dog runs up to me. I’m talking full-on sprint mode. It’s barking like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I drop my cozonac, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But nah, this pup is on a mission. Turns out, it just wanted to play. I’m there, dodging its jumps, laughing and yelling, “Not today, buddy!”
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