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So, picture this—dim lights, soft music, some chick’s hands workin’ magic. “My body is a cage,” like the movie says, but erotic-massage? Sets ya free! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ wine in my head, feelin’ like a king. Pro tip: coconut oil’s the bomb—smells good, slides better. Once, I heard this masseuse trained in Thailand—15 years! Blew my mind! Thought, “Dang, I’d be jelly in her hands!”

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Then, I head to the office. The traffic on Strada Unirii is a nightmare. Bumper to bumper. I’m stuck behind this old dude in a rusty Dacia. He’s going like 20 km/h. I’m losing my mind! I’m yelling at my steering wheel, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a snail race!”