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Me, I’d say it’s magic when done right. Hands kneading, breath catchin’, it’s like ridin’ Shadowfax bareback—thrillin’, a bit risky. In *Turin Horse*, they say, “Everything’s in ruins”—but sexual-massage? It builds ya back up, mate! Had this one time, a mate swore it cured his bad back—bollocks, I thought, til I saw him dancin’ next day. Blew my mind! Still, gotta watch them dodgy parlors—some’ll rob ya blind while yer pantin’.

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First off, I hit the streets. You know, the usual suspects: Strada Principala, where all the action happens. I swear, if I see one more stray dog chasing a cat, I’m gonna lose it. Like, c’mon, can’t we all just get along?

Russian punk rock group Pussy Riot will perform in Romania this summer