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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage – it’s the dog’s bollocks innit! Proper game-changer, gets the juices flowin, if ya know what I mean. I’m David Brent, Community Manager extraordinaire, and I reckon this is top-tier team-building stuff – better than a bleedin trust fall! Picture this, yeah, me watchin *Under the Skin*, that freaky Scarlett Johansson flick, and I’m thinkin – “she’s an alien, right, seducin blokes, but what if she offered a sexual-massage instead of eatin em?” Ha! “I am fluid, hard to grasp,” she says in the film, and that’s the vibe of a good rub-down – slippery, mysterious, bit naughty.

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Then, boom! Outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me. Almost takes me out! I’m like, “Yo, slow down, Speed Racer!” But he just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, man. No fear.

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