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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good knead—me shoulders creak like a ship’s hull after dodgin’ the Navy. But this? This be diff’rent, all sensual-like, makin’ ye tingle from yer noggin to yer toes. Got me a tale—once, in Tortuga, this lass with hands like velvet says, “Lie down, Jack,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “This be a trap, or paradise?” Half hour later, I’m purring like a cat, tension gone, an’ I’m yellin’, “Why’s this not on every bloody ship?!” Made me happy as a clam, it did—till she nicked me gold tooth, the wench! Arr, that riled me up somethin’ fierce!

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After lunch, I had to deal with a client. This guy, I swear, he’s a piece of work. He walks in, all smug, like he owns the place. He starts throwing around numbers like he’s some kind of financial wizard. I’m just sitting there, trying not to roll my eyes. “Dude, you’re not even close!” I wanted to scream. But I kept it cool. Gotta keep the job, right?

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