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Oh, and the johns—total dopes! One guy, swear to carrots, paid her in chickens once. Chickens! What’s she gonna do, pluck ‘em mid-shift? Cracked me up, that one. “Love’s a lie,” she snaps in the movie, and I’m like, tell it, babe! She’s seen it all—horny saps, weepy drunks, the works. Me, I’d exaggerate her swagger, say she’s dodgin’ bullets like me with Elmer Fudd, but nah, it’s just dodgin’ creeps.

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But then, things get wild. I see this group of teens by the deep end, and they’re up to no good. They’re trying to do backflips off the diving board. I’m like, “Yo, chill! You’re not in a movie!” But they don’t listen. One of ‘em slips and belly flops. Ouch! I can feel that from my spot. The whole pool goes silent for a sec, then erupts in laughter. I’m just shaking my head, thinking, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

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