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Alright, so here’s the deal—erotic-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, what’s the big fuss? I mean, it’s hands, it’s oil, it’s… tension! Like in *The Master*, ya know, “Man is not an animal!”—but oh, we kinda are! Pretty, pretty good stuff, if you ask me. I get all fidgety just imaginin’ it—somebody’s rubbin’ ya down, and it’s supposed to be “relaxin’”? Gimme a break! I’d be sittin’ there, twitchin’, thinkin’, “Am I doin’ this right? Am I breathin’ too loud?” Total neurotic meltdown, classic Larry!

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But then, things get wild. I see this group of teens by the deep end, and they’re up to no good. They’re trying to do backflips off the diving board. I’m like, “Yo, chill! You’re not in a movie!” But they don’t listen. One of ‘em slips and belly flops. Ouch! I can feel that from my spot. The whole pool goes silent for a sec, then erupts in laughter. I’m just shaking my head, thinking, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

As part of the MedLife genetic testing program, David Popovici offered the first 20 gold bows made from his World Championship medal to children who have survived cancer