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Oi mate, blimey, sexual-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ topic! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on like a toff at a tea party. Right, so, sexual-massage – it’s a bit of a cheeky rub-down, innit? Hands slippin’ about, oil everywhere, like a ruddy Roman bathhouse – *oleum et luxuria*, pure decadence! Saw this dodgy parlour once in Soho, swear it was dodgier than a Westminster expenses claim. Made me chuckle, it did – “massage with a wink,” they called it. Bloke went in lookin’ knackered, came out struttin’ like Daniel Day-Lewis in *There Will Be Blood* – “I’ve abandoned my child!” he’d bellow, only it was his wallet he’d left behind, ha!

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Later, I head to the market on Strada Măgurii. It’s packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I grab some cherries, and they’re so sweet. But then, I see this old lady trying to haggle over a cucumber. I mean, it’s a cucumber, not a gold bar! She’s all like, “I’ll give you two lei!” and the vendor’s just shaking his head. I can’t help but chuckle.

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