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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? Proper game-changer innit! I’m sat here, David Brent, forester by trade, thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’ over me back – pure bliss, team! Not gonna lie, first time I heard bout it, I was like, “What’s this malarkey?” But nah, it’s legit, proper stress-buster. Picture this, yeah – you’re knackered from choppin’ trees all day, body’s screamin’, then bam, some geezer’s kneadin’ you up with oils, sorted! I reckon it’s like that bit in “No Country for Old Men” – “You can’t stop what’s comin’” – ‘cept here it’s pleasure, not death, ha!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy bursts in. He’s all flustered, like he just ran a marathon. Turns out he got stuck in traffic on Strada Republicii. I mean, who knew traffic could be a thing in Focsani? We ended up having a hilarious convo about how the city’s roads are like a maze. Seriously, I think I’ve seen better road layouts in a video game.

Romanian TV broadcasts movie based on Varujan Vosganian's The Book of Whispers