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Last week, my buddy Kyle – that Jew – he’s all “Eric, it’s weird, man!” Weird? Screw you, Kyle! It’s freakin’ art! Slappin’ oil, workin’ knots – gets me hot just thinkin’! I’m, like, surprised how good it feels – not me, them! Happy as hell when they moan, “Oh Cartman, you’re the best!” Damn right I am! But then – rage mode – some asshole says it’s “gay” or whatever. Screw that noise! I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman – I make it badass!

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And lemme tell ya, I got a few secret spots too. Around the corner of Strada Luminilor, there’s a shacked-up café that’s low-key lit—you barely hear music, just the hum of life, like background to those cinematic moments when we all just feel the beat. My heart used to flip near that joint, feelin' like I was in a movie scene outta Apichatpong Weerasethakul’s best. I used to say, “All this beauty... reaaaally got me questioning the ordinary.”

Travel Planner: The Little Trianon Palace in Floresti – a symbol of Romanian disregard for history