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Now, I’m watchin’ this film, *Tabu*, right? Miguel Gomes, 2012—my bloody favorite. There’s this line, “The past is a forbidden paradise,” and it hits me. Erotic-massage is like that—slippin’ into somethin’ forbidden, yet oh-so-temptin’. Makes me happy, thinkin’ how folks sneak a thrill. But then—gods be good—it pisses me off too! Some sleazy git tries claimin’ it as “medical expense.” Mate, I’ve seen whores with better excuses! Denied that claim faster than Cersei slaps a fool.

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At this point, I’m just laughing. Like, what else can go wrong? I’m standing there, drenched in kvas, and I see an old lady walking by. She looks at me, shakes her head, and says, “You’re a mess, young man.” I just smile and say, “Yeah, but it’s a tasty mess!”

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