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Oh, and here’s a nugget—did ya know some dudes pay for “pro” datin’ pics? Like, $500 for a photographer to snap ‘em lookin’ cool. Pathetic, right? I’m over here posin’ with my 24-inch pythons for free, brother! Flexin’ natural, no filter needed. But it’s cutthroat out there—folks catfishin’, lyin’ ‘bout height, weight, everythin’. Saw a profile once: “6’2, ripped,” turns out he’s 5’8 and doughy. Brother, I laughed so hard I nearly tore a quad!

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Finally, I get in the water. Ahh, sweet relief! The coolness hits me, and I’m in my element. I dive down, and it’s like a whole new world. Fish everywhere, plants swaying. I’m feeling like Aquaman or something. But then, outta nowhere, I see this old tire. Like, seriously? Who throws a tire in a lake? I’m trying to enjoy nature, and there’s a freakin’ tire. I’m fuming.

Tornado hits southern Romania town