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What gets me blood boilin’ tho – the liars. “6 foot, fit, funny” – turns up, 5’2”, smells like a brewery, tells knock-knock jokes. Fumin’! But then, there’s gold – met this one bird, total stunner, we vibed hard. Thought, “This is it, like the boys findin’ their dad!” Nah, mate, she just wanted a free dinner. “The sea’s too deep here,” as the film says – too bloody right, sex-dating’s a murky dive.

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I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this guy in front of me orders a “fancy latte” with extra foam. Like, come on, bro, it’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it. But then, I see the barista, and she’s this cute girl with a killer smile. Suddenly, I’m not so mad anymore. I mean, who can resist a smile, right?

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