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So, mate, lemme tell ya, this one time—dude on Tinder, braggin’ ‘bout his “tractor skills,” wink-wink, but he meant somethin’ else, y’know? Made me laugh, then mad—fuckin’ poser! Never trust them slick pics, all filters and bullshit. Gollum knows, yesss, seen it! Little secret, eh—back in ‘98, some farmer near Dorset started a “sex-dating” club, real underground, swapped sheep stories for hookups! True shit, mate, wilder than tractors on mud!

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Then, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got a whole bag of bread. I’m thinking, “That’s sweet.” But then, the pigeons start fighting over the bread. It’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I’m cracking up, and the lady’s just shaking her head. “They’re so greedy!” she says. I’m like, “Aren’t we all?”