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Me fave flick, *Amour*, got me thinkin’. That old couple, clingin’ to eachother – “You’re still here?” Escorts do that too, y’know? They stick around, hear yer crap, even when ya stink of desperation. Makes me bloody happy, that. Someone’s there, even if it’s fake. But it pisses me off too – punters treatin’ em like trash. Oi, they’re people, not toys! Surprised me once, this lass told me she reads poetry between gigs. Poetry! Who’d a thunk it?

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But then, something funny happens. The waiter trips and spills a whole plate of food on the guy’s lap! I’m dying laughing. The couple stops arguing, and the guy’s just sitting there, covered in food. It’s like a scene from a movie. I mean, who needs drama when you have free entertainment, right?

Student, 20, chokes to death while eating cereal just months before finishing university