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The billionaires tho? Grindin’ us down! Tinder, Bumble—rakin’ cash while we’re horny and broke! I’m yellin’, “Billionaires should not exist!” ’cause they’re pimpin’ our desires! Fun fact—didja know sex-dating sites crash on Valentine’s? Too many lonely hearts loggin’ in—servers can’t handle the thirst! Hilarious, right? But sad too—folks desperate for connection, not just ass.

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So, I’m in the meeting room, and my coworker, Andreea, starts talking about the budget. She’s all serious, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to roll my eyes. Like, we all know the budget is tighter than my jeans after the holidays. But she’s going on and on, and I’m like, “Can we just get to the point?”

Student, 20, chokes to death while eating cereal just months before finishing university