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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit, savvy? We’re talkin’ ‘bout escorts today—aye, them fancy folk who sashay ‘round fer coin. Not the ship kind, mind ye, but the ones ye hire fer a night o’ company. Me fave flick, *Tropical Malady*, got me thinkin’—all mysterious-like, aye? “The beast stirs in the jungle,” it says, and escorts? They’re beasts o’ the city, prowlin’ fer gold!

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I head to this little joint on Strada Tineretului. Best mici in the city! I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard. They’re going back and forth, and I’m just sitting there, eating my mici, thinking, “Man, love is wild.”