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So, I knew this chick, right, did escortin’ back in ’98 – true story, swear it. She’d meet these suits, all high-and-mighty, in some dingy hotel off the M25. One dude, fat as a hog, tipped her with a *gold chain* – not cash, a friggin’ chain! She was pissed, threw it at him, stormed out – hilarious, mate. Made me laugh ‘til I choked. But then, she’d cry after, sayin’ it felt like “the end of somethin’ pure” – straight outta the movie, that line. Got me thinkin’, escort’s a grind, not just a quick shag.

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Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like fireworks in my mouth. I’m in my happy place. But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great, now I look like a mess.”