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Sometimes, tho, fear creeps in… what if it’s awkward? Hate that! Like Scarlett Johansson mumblin’, “I just feel so alone…” but then—boom—touch fixes it! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s messy, sloppy, real. Oil stains? Pfft, who cares! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood quick. Oh, and don’t skimp on oil, ya cheapskate! Ever heard of tantric vibes? Old-school monks did it—yep, monks! Freaky, right?

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Then, the craziest thing happens. I get a call from a woman who’s lost her wedding ring. She’s on Strada Călărași too! I’m thinking, “What’s with this street today?” She’s sobbing, and I’m trying to calm her down. I’m like, “Ma’am, it’s just a ring! You can get another one!” But she’s all, “It’s not just a ring! It’s my life!” Okay, okay, I get it.

Ministry denies claims of Romania hosting clandestine Chinese police station