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Here’s a kicker: some folks say it cures headaches—tension ones, ya know? I dunno, sounds fishy, but I ain’t no doctor. Got me thinkin’—maybe I shoulda had a masseuse in the Oval Office, keep the stress down. Coulda avoided some o’ them Iraq misadventurisms! Oh, and the oils—slicker’n a politician’s promise—made me slip right off the table once. Busted my ass, laughed like a hyena—good times!

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So, I’m fuming, right? I chase after the pigeon, but it’s like a scene from a cartoon. I’m running around, flailing my arms, and people are staring. I can’t even. Finally, I give up and plop back down on the bench. I’m just sitting there, contemplating life, when I see this cute dog. I mean, it’s adorable! I’m thinking, “Maybe I should get a dog.” But then I remember I can barely take care of myself.

Fig. 1. Generalized tectonic map of the Alpine-Carpathian orogen...