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Oh, and quirks? I talk to meself—out loud—swipin’. “She’s fit, nah, too posh!” Drives me mad, but it works. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But sex-dating’s nuts—Godard’d dig it. “Words kill images,” he says. Here, pics kill words—dick pics, boob shots, no chat. Savage, mate! We swears! Try it, but don’t blame me!

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Then, I spot this old dude feeding ducks. He’s got this epic beard, like Gandalf or something. I’m thinking, “Man, I wanna be that chill when I’m old.” But then, the ducks start fighting over the bread. It’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my coffee.

New details reveal moments that led up to deadly 7-vehicle crash in La Grange