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Oh, and the hype? Overblown sometimes. Pals say it’s “life-changin’,” pfft, calm down, Gary! It’s dope, sure, but not fixin’ world hunger. Sarcasm aside, I dig it—keeps ya loose, happy, maybe a lil naughty. “The trap is set”—that’s the vibe, waitin’ for the masseuse to sneak up with them magic fingers! I’m ready, always ready—sexual-massage, you’re my kinda weird!

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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder. I freaked out! Like, “Get off me, bird!” But the crowd thought it was hilarious. I was the main act now. Great. Just what I needed. I tried to shoo it away, but it just stared at me like, “What’s your problem, human?”

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