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Little secret? Victorian docs used it—called it “pelvic massage.” Cured “hysteria” with happy endings—wtf, right? History’s kinky as hell! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ prim ladies secretly lovin’ it. Oh, and don’t get me started on massage oils—lavender’s my jam. Smells like peace, gets me goin’. Ever tried it with someone? Shits intense—trust’s gotta be there or it’s awkward AF.

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I finally get to her place, and there’s Mr. Whiskers, looking all smug like he’s the king of the jungle. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not Tarzan.” The lady’s crying, half-laughing, half-sobbing. I’m just trying to keep it together. I mean, it’s a cat, but it’s also a cat with a dramatic flair.

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